Thursday, March 10, 2016

5 Reasons Why Driverless Cars Should be Terminated

In a shocking new development, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration last month issued a letter to tech giant Google confirming it will legally recognize Google's computer systems as a "driver" for a test fleet of autonomous cars. You read that correctly. A computer system is now federally accepted as a driver of a motor vehicle. Now before you call in Sarah Connor and try to deactivate Skynet and keep the machines from taking over, just read on. Take a deep breath, and count to 10. We'll get through this, but we need everyone on the same page.

While NHTSA trumps my say-so, I'm going to issue my official ruling right here: The self-driving car needs to be scrapped.

Squash it.
Photo Credit: Google
In the post-Matrix world, people have slowly become more and more useless.

Think about it.

A touchscreen kiosk rings up our groceries. Toll collectors have been replaced by transponders. Our mechanics plug a car into a computer so the car can tell the mechanic what's wrong with it. Auto insurance companies spy on us with sketchy data loggers and we eat it up. Advances in technology in the sake of saving money, or convenience, or efficiency.

Robots are also doing more important things, surgery. Now the powers that be want us to sit down, shut up and hold on while they take us for a ride?

No way. Here's why. 

1. Computers Suck. 

As I type this, I'm pushing the keys on an old laptop that didn't want to boot up yesterday. It also didn't save the previous draft of this post because its a piece of junk. I challenge you to go one day without a computer freeze-up, smartphone hiccup, or cable box glitch. Now we're going to take the same technology and apply it to a four-wheeled capsule and drive at 65 mph? I'll take my chances with people any day. I barely trust my computer to process words.

A self-driving car roams the streets in 2012.
Photo Credit: Sam Churchill / Flickr

2. They Haven't Perfected This Stuff.

Hey want to see something cool? Here's one of those new-fangled cars that stop themselves.

Well, that's just Volvo. Maybe Tesla has worked all the bugs out of their cars. They're so smart, they offer automatic firmware updates in their Model S sedans, complete with new features like "Autopilot".

Let's see how that works.

Well, that doesn't seem to work so good. I guess the engineers have some homework. We certainly wouldn't want them to crash in the real world. That would be terrible, right? Google's new self-driving car suffered a setback last month when it decided to pull out in front of a bus in Mountain View, California. Like a 16 year-old with Mom's car, it wasn't the first accident that Google cars have been involved in. Supporters will point out that Google's previous crashes were not their fault, but he fault of other each instance. Must be nice to have a near-perfect driving record. I don't buy it, but it must be nice.

3. The Tech Industry Asks, And We Shall Receive Whatever They Want To Give Us. 

According to its own documents, Google lobbied the federal government for legislation favorable to its new self-driving cars. Legislation like the FAST Act, or Fixing America's Surface Transportation Act helps create the perfect scenario for autonomous vehicles to appear as mainstream items. Buried amongst the highway infrastructure improvements, one provision of the law includes a missive to

"accelerate the deployment of vehicle-to-vehicle, vehicle-to-infrastructure, autonomous vehicles, and other technologies." 

Great. It helps when the country's Chief Technology Officer is a former Google VP. Oh, and Google donated a hefty sum to the Obama campaigns over the last 10 years. So I guess you could say that Google homemade taste was baked right in. 

Over the next two years, 10 universities will conduct research for an upcoming GAO report on the future of autonomous cars. It is likely that the next steps will include a plan to move ahead with major infrastructure improvements to carry out the implementation of autonomous vehicles. My hunch is it will become a done deal in a short amount of time. Its not just the U.S. that's playing around with this stuff. The U.K. will also soon become one big proving ground. Sounds promising. By promising I mean terrifying. 

"We hope you've enjoyed the ride."
Photo: Tri-Star Pictures

4. High-Tech Cars Restrict Independent Mobility. 

Say you need to go somewhere in the future world of driverless cars. My guess is that you'll need around $50K to afford one of your own. Too poor? Well just take a taxi. Or an Uber. Or Lyft. Whatever they're going to be called. You need an app on your smartphone. Boom, there's another $1000 expense for the phone and $200 per month for the data plan. Don't have enough money for that? Well I guess you'll just have to keep working at your $8.50 an hour job more often. But you'll need a car to get there. 

Repeat the cycle above. 

America is increasingly becoming a nation of wide disparity between those who have it...and those who don't. Broadband internet and widespread adoption of the smartphone has allowed some of us to leap forward, while others in low-income neighborhoods, rural areas, and those with disabilities are left in yesterday's dust. Forcing an entirely new method of mobility upon us will undoubtedly create bigger challenges to our basic privilege of transportation. Its chilling to think about.

Then there's the matter of young motorists. Gone are the days of the $500 beater for the young driver. Kids aren't going to be able to get a set of wheels themselves because the cost will sky high. How will tomorrow's gearheads learn how to turn a wrench? What will be their teaching tool for maintenance? 

Ah, who cares. We're all going to be plant food anyway.

5. Autonomous Cars are Only the Beginning.

A friend of ours remarked that the giant warehouses that've sprouted up across the country in recent years all seem to be within shouting distance of the interstate. Not just near the interstate, but feet from it. You've seen them. Their location will eventually make it easier for the driverless semis of tomorrow to pickup and dropoff our goods. Soon, the 3.5 million U.S. truck drivers will be out of a job. I give it 10-15 years at the most.

In Daimler's self-driving semi, we have a machine that never needs a federally-mandated break. It never needs to rest or take a vacation with its kids. It doesn't have to pass a drug test and it certainly won't ask for a raise. We essentially have the Cyberdine Systems Model 101 of the tractor trailer world. How would you feel about a few chips and battery packs hauling around 50,000 tons at 70 mph? My guess is most people wouldn't care. If you haven't cared about the elimination of other industry jobs by automation, why care about truck drivers?

You should care, your job could be next. Did you ever think doctors would be replaced by robots in your lifetime? If they're expendable, so are you. 

Stay safe, and keep the computers where they work. Drive what you want, when you want, where you want. Don't let the robots take over just yet. 


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Safe Travels

Photo: Feng Zhong/Flickr
Hindustan. Mahindra. Premier. These are the colorful machines that keep India moving in the modern age. They're cars and trucks with style, history, and a sense of purpose.

They also need protection, just like their occupants, according to artist Sheela Gowda.

Gowda grew up in city of Bangalaru, Karnataka, India. Located in the south, the capital city is filled with former royal castles, high tech industry, and is known for being rich in iron ore. Its also a place where man clashes with machine. It was this clash that inspired her to create Behold, an installation currently at the Tate Modern in the UK.

Photo: Phil Cornett

Yes, those are chrome automobile bumpers. 
Yes, that's human hair. 

Think of it as an exaggerated good luck charm. 

Here's why... 
Photo: Phil Cornett

The hair on the bumper of the Hindustan Ambassador or Mahindra SUV is there to protect the drivers from anything that may cause them harm. Gowda's exhibit just taught us about superstition and the Indian motorist. I guess you could think of it as a version of the Saint Christopher visor clip in your Grandma's Crown Victoria. In that sense, we're all the same. We just want to be safe out there on the roads.

Be safe, wherever you are, whatever you drive.

Special thanks to fellow artist Phil Cornett for sharing this neat piece of Indian automotive art with us. 


Sunday, January 24, 2016

Pigs, Ponchielli, and the Saab 9000

Remember when Saabs roamed the streets? Sure, there's plenty still out there today but they're mostly the GM Saabs. You know what I'm talking about. Badge-engineered late models like the 9-3 or 9-5, or that horrendous mutation known as the 9-2X...a Subaru WRX that pretended it was Swedish. There's no excuse for what GM did to Saab. That's all the reason why more vintage Saabs should make a comeback, including the first of the badge-engineered Saabs.

Ah, the 9000 SPG, or Sport Performance Group. Fast is fun. 
Many enthusiasts love the timeless look of the Saab 900's, and there's a bevy of that body style to choose from. The sporty Sonnetts are also fun, and several of those appear at car shows from time to time. Even the oddball early two-stroke Saabs have enjoyed a resurgence thanks to its rich rally car history overseas. The one Saab that seems to escape fame is the 1984 to 1998 executive car. We're talking about the Saab 9000.

Climb every mountain: A Saab 9000 in Germany takes a breather.
Photo: Flickr / Mok24

Introduced in 1984 as part of a joint venture with Alfa Romeo, Lancia, and Fiat, the Saab 9000 was the classiest of the "Type Four" venture. With design cues from the talented Giorgetto Giugiaro and Bjorn Envall, the cars sold fairly well. They relied on Saab's tried and true 2.3 liter 4 cylinder for power, and came in turbo variants to help get global commuters from A to B in a flash. They also looked somewhat like a Playmobil toy from the same era. Lots of squared-off lines and a large greenhouse.

Ignition switch on the floor? Not in the Saab 9000.
Photo Credit:
Because they happened to share underpinnings with other European friends, the Saabs lost some of the Scandinavian quirkiness that made previous Swedish people-movers like the 99 and 900 such a blast. Features like the center console ignition switch. The 9000 moved it to the steering column as God intended. They were also larger than the earlier models inside and out. They were the first Saab to be classified as a large car by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. Less jelly bean, and more brick. Exterior design followed Volvo's lead of modern, angular lines.

The Swedes did allegedly leave one of their unique touches in the 9000 platform. According to Wikipedia and a couple of Saab websites, designer Bjorn Envall was a fan of The Muppet Show. Swedish Chef jokes aside, he apparently was inspired by the second season sketch, Pigs in Space. The swine astronauts had really large, supple captain's chairs with a rounded top and lots of ribbing. Envall took a cue and created some massively over-sized buckets for the 9000's front passengers and added some ribbed side-stitching for effect. I don't know how accurate this statement is, but its certainly fun to imagine Miss Piggy riding around in a Swedish luxo-barge.

Oink vey! I dunno, its seems like a stretch to me.
Photo: YouTube / Saab vs Skepticism / Saab 
Besides having ground-breaking design, ample room, and an alleged porcine-inspired interior, Saab 9000s were also light on their feet. The large sedans performed ballet to the music of Ponchielli with precision. Sound engineering, turbocharged engines and snow tires allowed an entire fleet of 9000s to dance for this promotional film used through 1991 at auto show kiosks around the world.

Enjoy the show.

What happened to Saab post-9000?  The 9000 gave way to the 9-5 after 1998 and the later cars blended into the rest of the field of mid-sized global cars with similar dimensions and features. 
Plain vanilla after years of cinnamon and cardamom. 
We know that Saab puttered along until being acquired by General Motors in 2000. They pillaged the company for innovations and platforms it would later use to develop the Epsilon chassis used on the Chevrolet Malibu, Opel Vectra, and even some Cadillacs. GM found it easier to build on the work of another, and the Swedes certainly did good work. Saab as a whole, was further neutered after being told to slap their name on models like the 9-7x / GMT360 SUV in order to compete with Volvo's X70. Sales figures went into the toilet. After failed attempts to sell the company, it declared bankruptcy in 2011 and remains inactive today. A sad compromise from the company that claimed it "didn't make compromises". 
The world didn't need a Saab Trailblazer. It needed another trailblazing Saab. 
In the end, the Saab 9000 could be considered the "beginning of the end" for the car built by trolls. A model that was historically significant for what it wasn't, and what it would become. That's why you should snap one up before they all return to the earth. One thing's for certain, they definitely don't make them like this anymore...because they don't make Saabs anymore. 

Needs a fuel pump, but it runs. Got $400?
Photo: Craigslist Kenosha-Racine 
Will Saab ever make a comeback? 
Maybe when pigs fly. 

Wocka Wocka Wocka!

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Five Things You Might Not Have Known About Virgil Exner

People will appreciate anything with good design. It doesn't matter if that happens to be a cute Mini Cooper parked on the street or an espresso machine in a café.  Truth be told, careful planning and engineering goes into making an everyday object stand out, and Virgil Max Exner cranked out his fair share of them. From post-war Studebakers to the fabulous finned Chryslers of the mid-50s, Exner created some of the most beautiful automobiles ever to roll off an assembly line.

Virgil M. Exner posing next to one of his creations, a 1957 DeSoto  

Exner's biography reads like a VH1 Behind the Music documentary. Good times, bad times, and good times again. It starts in 1909 in Buchanan, Michigan with a young small-town boy who likes to sketch, and loves automobiles. Young boy then goes to Notre Dame, graduates, and gets a job as an advertising sketch artist. Young boy matures into a man, gets married, has a family, and continues in an exciting automotive design career during Detroit's heyday. Man eventually gets sacked from dream automotive job due to political maneuvering and poor corporate management and spends the rest of his life dreaming of a better tomorrow.

As popular as he was back in the day, the Michigan native had a few remarkable traits that many of his admirers may not be hip to. According to Peter Grist, author of Virgil Exner: Visioneer, the talented designer of legedary motorcars like the Chrysler 300 and DeSoto Adventurer was known for working alone. He preferred to keep to himself, but he was a warm, personable man who got along with nearly everybody he worked with. Exner was admired by most of his colleagues because he gave them credit in a dog-eat-dog industrial atmosphere where the boss usually took credit for someone else's work. When he wasn't sculpting clay models of 'idea cars' in the basement of the family home, he enjoyed auto racing, vacations to Florida, and spending time with his family. That's what you may know about the 'father of the fin'.

Here are five things you might not have known about Virgil Exner...


1. Exner developed the streamlined trim that first appeared on Pontiac Silver Streak back in 1935. 

Advertisement for the sleek new 1935 Pontiac    
Photo Credit: General Motors
Before Chrysler and Studebaker, Exner briefly worked for Harley Earl in the General Motors Art and Color Section, a predecessor to the design studios of today. One of his early jobs in 1934 was to head up Pontiac's design moving forward. He spruced up the dull sedans with a streak of stainless trim that gave the lowly cars the illusion of speed. While the new trim didn't improve sales, Harley Earl liked Exner's work and he remained there until 1938. As a perk, Exner received a Pontiac sedan as a daily driver...but didn't care for it too much. Other design work for GM included the tapered grille design for the 1939 Buick models.

2. Wheels, not tail fins, were his favorite part of the car. 

White whites and wide wheel wells adorn this 1954 Chrysler Ghia Special G1.
Photo: Rex Gray / Flickr
You'll notice on many of his Chrysler designs that Exner stretched the wheel arches and allowed for large, usually wire wheels to be displayed prominently. This came as a result of Exner's love of early race cars. Growing up in Michigan and attending school in South Bend allowed Ex easy access to "The Brickyard", where he and his father used to take in the Indianapolis 500. In a time of fender skirts and low-slung tail-draggers, Exner's cars of the late 1950s and early 60s were large but maintained a sporty European profile thanks to his love of the open wheel. 

3. He liked race cars so much, he drove a retired Indy car on the street. 

The 1932 Studebaker Special in race trim (left) and street trim (right). Exner is visible on the far left.    
Photo Credit: Peter Grist / Veloce Books

While working at Studebaker, Exner came across an old straight-eight-powered Studebaker indy car from 1932 stored inside the design building he worked in. Being an Indy 500 fan and a gearhead by trade, he made an offer on it, and it found its way home to Exner's garage. The designer then turned it into a custom street-legal car. Ex and his son drove it around to various road race events and barked the tires quite a bit with 336 cubic inches of inline eight-cylinder power. He sold it when he took the job at Chrysler in 1949. But his racing days weren't over.

Exner and one of three Chrysler Falcons in 1955 at a Michigan SCCA event.
Photo Credit: Peter Grist / Veloce Books
Exner remained active in the early days of the Sports Car Club of America, which sanctioned racing for enthusiasts looking to get the most out of their cars in a safe, controlled environment. Often times he would take one of his Chrysler 'idea cars' for a spin on a road course to see how it would handle. To see Ex push a one-off, hand-built, Hemi-powered show car to it limits, tires howling around an empty Air Force base...would have been quite a treat to see.

4. He liked Italian cars, suits, and people. 

Exner leans on the 1952 Chrysler K-310 next to Ghia's Luigi Segre.
Photo Credit: Peter Grist / Veloce Books
Early on at Chrysler, Exner created several stylish 'idea cars', or design studies for the cars of tomorrow. He made good friends with his counterparts at coachbuilder Carrozzeria Ghia of Turin, Italy and by 1950 the company was building idea cars by hand for Chrysler Corporation. Exner liked what the Italians brought to the table in terms of style and performance. He long admired Enzo Ferrari and the purebred performance of his cars. He also liked his overseas work trips because they allowed him to buy fine Italian suits in bulk. He was a sharp dresser, and a flashy suit went well with his flashy cars.

Volkswagen Type 14 Karmann-Ghia with styling by Virgil Exner and Luigi Segre.
Photo Credit: Georg Sander / Flickr
While at Ghia, he would develop a close working relationship with Luigi Segre, one of Ghia's designers and engineers who also contributed a great deal of input to the Chrysler cars. Ex's sketches for the 1952 Chrysler D'Elegance would later be re-purposed and scaled down to become the 1955 Volkswagen Karmann-Ghia, a sought-after coupe that remained virtually unchanged during its 19 year run. Segre took the credit for the overall Karman-Ghia design and won over Volkswagen, but sent Exner the first production Karmann-Ghia imported into the state of Michigan as a token of his appreciation.

5. At the end of a hard day, he enjoyed a good, strong Manhattan.    

Who wants a cocktail? 

The AMC series Mad Men may have nailed 1950's executive culture when they showed their characters knocking back a few drinks at the drop of a hat. Folks in high-stress, white-collar jobs (like Exner) embraced the cocktail. Ex preferred the traditional Manhattan and perfected making them at home while entertaining friends, usually fellow engineers. He was so precise about it, he used a file to notch fill marks on his glass cocktail shaker. That's my kind of guy!

Virgil, Mildred, and Bronwen Exner board a flight to France in the fall of 1956. The European vacation would prove therapeutic for Ex after suffering a heart attack earlier in the year.
Photo Credit: Peter Grist / Veloce Books

Those are five things you might not have known about Chrysler's idea man, Virgil Exner. The success of his work at GM, Studebaker and later Chrysler would cement his legacy as an industrial designer for the ages. From the beauty of his Forward Look Chryslers to his Italian-American collaborations, Ex gave the slab-sided American car some much-needed flair. I guess you could say Virgil Exner lived life in the fast lane, and eventually it caught up with him. Between his serious smoking habit, and the demands of staying on top of the automotive game, Exner's health took a back seat to his career. At the young age of 46, he suffered a heart attack and followed the advice of his doctor and took some time away from work in 1957. It was this absence that sowed the seeds of his demise at Chrysler, but that's another story for another day.

For more of that story...

Exner's life and work are excellently chronicled in Peter Grist's Virgil Exner: Visioneer, a book my parents picked up for me this Christmas. I couldn't have asked for a better gift, and I look forward to finishing it. If you have a 50's Chrysler product, or are a fan of mid-century design, I cannot recommend a better read. Try it on for size and learn countless other details about the man who ushered in the next generation of American motoring by putting pen to paper.


Saturday, November 14, 2015

Thinking Globally

We love France. We love everything the country stands for. The beauty, the art, the cuisine...even their quirky little cars! But most of all we love the people and their passion for life.

This week's tragic attacks have left us stunned at the power of negativity, and we have no words for what happened in Paris. Sadly, we haven't seen the end of such terror and likely never will. As the world seemingly spins out of control, it is our hope that we can only grow closer as a civilization. To learn from each other and unite to keep the hate from spreading would be a remarkable feat.

Take a moment to remember who and what is important this weekend. Do something that makes you smile. Make someone else smile. Ride the bike, take your significant other out in the convertible for an early morning spin, or grab an ice cream cone with the kids. Our time on this planet is too damn short to feel threatened by anyone or anything. Relish the present and the ones you're with, and spread some love to combat the hate.
Take care.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Gettin' Stuff Dunne

Edward F. Dunne - The Man With The Plan

On a Wednesday morning in May of 1915, Illinois governor Edward Fitzsimmons Dunne and an entourage arrived in the Illinois River town of Chillicothe just after dawn. They paraded down a wooded park road and into a large gravel lot with a fleet of vehicles driven by prominent business owners and supporters. A shiny new Cadillac Type 51 V-8 touring car carried Dunne, along with several other long wheelbase cars including a White five-passenger touring sedan. Accompanied by the applause of a local audience, the governor stepped out of his Cadillac addressed the crowd and toured a new two-story clubhouse belonging to a group of 'automobilists' known as the Peoria Auto Club.

The Peoria Auto Club's Clubhouse Then and Now

Dunne had fond memories of central Illinois. His family moved to the city of Peoria when he was a child and he finished high school here. Dunne's father was active in the city council and politics, so it was natural for him to follow in his father's footsteps. After getting married and settling down in Chicago, Dunne grew into a fine politician. When he wasn't dealing with messy meat packing scandals or city corruption, he dabbled in transportation projects.  He also drove steam rollers. This guy was bad to the bone y'all.

"Rollin' Out"
Photo Credit: The Automobile April 23, 1914

After pushing for municipal ownership of traction systems (interurban street cars) as mayor of Chicago between 1905 and 1907, Dunne expanded his push for the construction of transportation infrastructure in the form of modern automotive highways through the issuance of municipal bonds. By 1915 he knew it was time to expand the highway network in his heartland state, so he embarked on a "Good Roads" tour with two reporters, one from the Peoria Star, the other from the Chicago Tribune who documented the journey. The reporters noted one point in the trip where the Cadillac encountered a flooded roadway. Dunne just told the driver to press onward, and he did. Let's just say the car took it but the passengers didn't. Water sprayed everywhere and the Cadillac served as a handy flotation device. Dunne didn't back down from a challenge...he drove into it.

Credit: Illinois Highways Vol 2-4

The bright white 2-story clubhouse that kicked off Governor Dunne's Good Roads tour on May 19, 1915 was nearly completed after being commissioned by the Peoria Auto Club in the years prior on a 54-acre parcel of land known as Columbia Park. With the rising popularity of the automobile and a nearby industrial city with a growing upper class, the use of the automobile brought the need for better roads. Like-minded folks banded together to help improve transportation infrastructure and build pleasure destinations like the PAC clubhouse along the river.

Ladies enjoying a sunny day at the Peoria Auto Club Clubhouse. Date unknown.
Photo Credit: Chillicothe Park District

Within a 30 minute drive of Peoria, the Chillicothe club house featured a large ballroom, fireplaces, and a scenic park-like setting where motorists and their passengers could spend the afternoon before heading back to the big city on a bumpy gravel road. The PAC clubhouse stood just a few hundred feet from picturesque Galena Road along the Illinois River along the Ivy Trail, a proposal for a modern concrete version of the Ivy Trail would stretch 282 miles from Chicago to East St. Louis.

Credit: Illinois Highways Vol. 2-4

Supporters like the PAC believed the final road would be safe and efficient. It would pass right through Chillicothe near the clubhouse. Plus, such a road would be a sure-fire way to drum up business and grow automobile sales. Governor Dunne took to the streets and sold the idea to the public like a boss.

Governor Edward F. Dunne stands with highway commissioners along a newly constructed road bed, 1915.
Photo: Illinois Highways Vol 2-4. 
His contemporaries in Montana, Kansas and elsewhere declared their own 'Good Roads Day' publicity tours in the spring and summer of 1915. One piece at a time, road construction expanded across the Illinois prairie. Bond issues passed, equipment was purchased, highway commissions established. People were put to work and soon there would be a lot less dust and mud-caked automobile fenders.

This map from 1915 shows where the early key routes would be.

Sadly, World War I put the brakes on most capital spending, including the pricey expansion of state highways. It wasn't until April of 1919 that the final details of the Ivy Trail were ironed out and the $2 million cost was approved. According to Chillicothe mayor Doug Crew, construction was slated to begin on a paved two-lane road later that year but after some flooding, highway officials made the decision to vacate the original alignment for the Ivy Trail and relocate to higher ground west of the Rock Island railroad tracks. This became modern day Illinois Route 29 and its a heavily used four lane divided highway. The PAC clubhouse on the side of the big highway of tomorrow...was now a little further from the main road. All was not lost. The building still stands after a colorful history and multiple changes of ownership. 

Today the building is known as the Shore Acres Clubhouse, and is owned and maintained nicely by the Chillicothe Park District. The organization recently celebrated the building's centennial with a car show, live music and period baseball and dancing.

And cake. There was cake! What's not to love? 

So what happened to the "Good Roads" governor? 

Edward F. Dunne served one term in Springfield and then fell into relative obscurity. Its too bad, because he did a lot of remarkable things during his time in office. Things like giving women the right to vote a year before the federal government did. Yep. He also hung out with Teddy Roosevelt, battled the Ku Klux Klan, and was a commissioner for the 1933-34 Worlds Fair in Chicago at the age of 80. But hey, why teach about him, right? He must have been one of those 'progressives' that we don't dare mention...his spirit might be contagious.

Maybe we should teach about dudes like Dunne. Maybe we need another Good Roads Movement and miles of fresh cement. And maybe we should all thank the guy above that someone had initiative back in the day to carry out a vision and build the foundation for the transportation infrastructure that we take for granted every single day.


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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

I'll Take an Original with a Side of Ranch

You're a farmer. A florist. A handyman. You have a job to do and daylight's a-wastin'. Rumbling around in a 1/2 ton pickup truck is too cumbersome, but a station wagon is too cramped to haul your gear. What do you drive? You drive something like the red 1973 Ranchero 500 pictured above. Stop laughing, its practical. We did a double-take when we passed this 43,000 mile beauty in Freeburg, Illinois a few weeks ago and had to pull a U-turn and capture the moment. There was also a for sale sign in the window. Here's a taste of what $9,000 worth of car/truck can buy you these days. 


With its near-perfect original 2B bright red finish and white vinyl top, the Freeburg Ranchero looked a little like Starsky & Hutch's striped tomato. If you think the El Camino's predecessor was only a 70s phenomenon, it wasn't. By '73 the half truck / half car had enjoyed a nice long run in the automobile market. It had also moved around quite a bit. Following its introduction in 1957, the Ranchero moved from the full-sized Ford chassis to the Falcon lineup in 1960 and eventually landing in the Torino series in 1968. By the early 70s the Ranchero ate a lot of Häagen-Dazs like other Fords of the era and tipped the scales at a hefty 4,655 pounds. 

Speaking of pounds, the payload of the Ranchero was only about 800 pounds. If you needed to haul a couple of 351 Cleveland blocks, you'd want to call your buddy with the F150. A lot of sheet metal was shared with the Torino wagons, but the bed was unique to the little workhorses. This particular bed was squeaky clean and looked like it never hauled so much as a grocery bag in its 42 years on the planet. You just don't come across cars this clean anymore.

And check out those dog dish hubcaps!

This Ford wasn't totally stripped-down. It came equipped with the optional 351C and a Motorcraft two barrel carb, automatic transmission, and A/C.

A modest 25,634 Ranchero 500's rolled off Ford's Lorain, Ohio assembly line in 1973. The 500 series was the lowest trim series, followed by the wood-clad Ranchero Squire and sportier GT models. Note the tail lamp assemblies. Do they remind you of another car? Torino and Ranchero wagons were essentially scaled-down versions of the 1973 big Fords with nearly identical lines as the LTD and Custom 500 wagons.

Looking for rust? I didn't see any except one small bubble on the vinyl top on the passenger side B-pillar. The quarter panels and rockers were clean as a whistle and the undercarriage was rock solid as well. This baby is legitimately a low-mileage survivor! 

An aftermarket stereo takes up residence in the uncut dash, and the black vinyl seat covering and door panels are in remarkably good condition. Carpeting was a little faded but overall serviceable with plenty of life left in it. No clock, but that's why we have wristwatches. Its a good thing this car is air conditioned because the summer sun would likely turn this black bench seat into a flattop griddle for the driver's buns.

Let's be clear: the Ranchero isn't for everyone. It takes a special kind of owner to fall in love with the "Minotaur of Cars", but if you did plunk down a stack of Benjamins for this example, my guess is you would enjoy rolling in a fine Ford with unlimited potential. I'd use something else for hauling home that load of mulch from the garden center, though. This thing is cherry.